Mother's Day. My mother is gone, passed away in February. She doesn't need my love anymore. She has gone to the place of everlasting love, surrounded by love. She knew I loved her to her last dying breath. And that is good enough to last forever.
Now I am the next in line, the matriarch of my immediate family, mother to my two daughters, friend to other friends' mothers. What will my daughters have to say about me? There will be good memories, and not-so-good memories, just like with my mom.
And oh, how I have failed you! Let me list the ways:
1. I made you wear high-water pants, and even plaid polyester pants.
2. I cut your bangs way too short, and at a tilt.
3. I didn't buy Christie the Lite-Brite toy she wanted.
4. I sold Jill's favorite yellow teddy bear at a garage sale.
5. I should have insisted on a Venice gondola ride, no matter how much it cost.
6. I drove over curbs in your high school parking lot.
7. I even got the car hung up on a fire hydrant, and your friend's father came out to watch the extrication process and tire changing.
8. I promised you a pet mouse, and gave you a gold fish instead.
9. I somehow didn't instill the need to have a clean room.
I'm sure your lists are much longer, and for that I am sorry. I wonder if I have been the best mother I could be, and wish I could get "overs" sometimes. But that is life---we do the best we can at the time, and try not to look back with regret.
But I gave you some good things, too, not just embarrassment.
· I gave you my sense of humor, and taught you how to pun. Or is that a bad thing?
· I gave you freedom to have a chocolate pudding fight in the house---well, at least you did without me knowing.
· I let you have your fun by knocking my chair backwards when I tilted it at brunch.
· I gave you a love of exploring the world. I showed you castles and sheepherders and Italian houses on a cliff.
· I gave you blonde hair, but the brown eyes are your dad's legacy.
· I gave you the world's best oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and always kept the cookie jar full.
I hope I have given more than I have failed.